The 2008 National Grilled Cheese Month Campaign has concluded at Clementine, and the incumbent, Philly Cheese Steak, has won the general election to become the next Commander in Cheese. Garnering 36% of the vote in a field of five candidates, Philly Cheese Steak scored a convincing victory. Some would say a it's a mandate to put Philly Cheese Steak on the regular menu. Therefore Philly Cheese Steak has been officially inaugurated to the Clementine menu, and will begin building it's cabinet of other sandwiches in the coming days. In its address to the grilled-cheese-eating nation, Philly Cheese Steak paid tribute to it's roots in the birthplace of American democracy and vowed to devote it's first 100 days to passing lecheeselation to provide permanent protections for the melting class.

HAIL TO THE CHEESE!

EXIT POLL: Which of the following issues was most important to you when deciding which sandwich candidate to vote for?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Preliminary Analysis of the 2008 National Grilled Cheese Month Campaign

The campaign is heating up, and so are the panini grills. Early polls indicate that this might be a coronation for Philly Cheese Steak, but it appears later in the race, which may give other candidates a chance to gain a moldhold.

Some of the candidates competing in the Week 1 Primary have some type of scandal or blunder to overcome. French Onion has been grilled repeatedly regarding its close ties with Tom DeChevre, the former chairman of the House Wheys and Creams Committee who was recently brought up on federal raclette-ering charges. And Fontina with Roasted Shiitakes has been widely criticized for its infamous "Mushroom Accomplished" speech. But, as melted cheese strategist James Coverdale once said, "It's the flavor, stupid," and it is clear that on that score, all of the candidates are more than qualified.

Roasted Asparagus, the 3-term incumbent, has an uphill battle this year; victory will hinge on a large vegetarian turnout. Pimento Cheese hopes to get a bump from Southern voters. And while Monterey Jack and Roast Beef is expected to have broad support among male voters, many question whether its flavors will appeal to the so-called "MASCARpone dads."

There are critics who argue that this whole election, this National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Month, is contrived by the cheese lobby. But even if that were true, so what? Even the most conservative sandwich eaters can't really put forth a reasoned objection to melted cheese paired with bread and a liberal dose of butter.